today, im 14years 7month 6days and 15hours old...
hehehee... heards weird eh?
well, i just realized that being alive for 14years 7month 6days and 15hours is still not enough to learn about life..
sometimes im sad eventhough there isnt anything happening...
yup. im still a labile 14years 7month 6days and 15hours old girl...
sometimes i felt like no one cares about me, and that my existence isnt important for people near me..
everyday i use my mask,
i use this mask that can cover my sad face, my tearing eyes, my crashed heart..
and.. wow! fantastic! ive turned into a innocent sanguine girl...
a girl that is competitive, cheerful, colorful, talkative and super bright..
yeah..
this mask create this kind of me...
the me, with no worries, no pain...
and guess what? people like that kind of me!
they come to me when they are sad, to be cheered up..
yup.. only when theyre sad..
im just like an escape door for people in pain...
that wouldnt be useful when there isnt something bad happening..
sometimes im alone,
there are two options that could happen in a time like that:
one, my mask are getting thicker which means i'll lie to myself about everything
or two, my mask are getting thinner which means i'll cry and thingys like that..
but i usually pick the option one..
coz i think the rightest way to escape from pain is that ignore the pain and pretend like nothing happened..
and yeah,
thats what i do..
day by day, my mask are getting thicker and thicker..
day by day, this mask is like a drug for me..
and day by day, this mask is starting to ruin my life even more..
i can no more know what i feel..
im like a doll with a happy face..
have no heart, but always happy...
i can no longer realize happiness that is pouring on me..
happiness that my friends and family gave me to me...
yeah, im happy at that time... but, its just memories a while after that..
the mask is like preventing happiness to come and stay inside my heart...
all that i remember is the pain...
im sick of faking...
but this mask is like starting to fuse to my true self...
this mask is trying to be "my true self"
its ruining my personality..
somehow, i became a double personality..
but now,
i want to change...
i want to stop relying things to this mask..
i want to get rid of this mask together with the pain...
i want to realize how wonderful this world...
i want to be the true me, the most true of my self..
i know i might become an easy-to-cry girl..
but its ok,
coz tears are meant to be dropped..
coz tears would ruin your heart if you hide it..
and i believe, that when i get rid of my mask,
i can still become a sanguine girl..
i can still become this cheerful girl that could captivate peoples heart..
because, im enjoying to be this kind of me..
so why not?
i'll be a big girl..
a girl, that has a big tough heart...
that wont be easy to give up
that never give up on anything!
and i believe, right after i post this thing and blink my eyes..
my life would be better and i can get rid of this mask!
hehehee... heards weird eh?
well, i just realized that being alive for 14years 7month 6days and 15hours is still not enough to learn about life..
sometimes im sad eventhough there isnt anything happening...
yup. im still a labile 14years 7month 6days and 15hours old girl...
sometimes i felt like no one cares about me, and that my existence isnt important for people near me..
everyday i use my mask,
i use this mask that can cover my sad face, my tearing eyes, my crashed heart..
and.. wow! fantastic! ive turned into a innocent sanguine girl...
a girl that is competitive, cheerful, colorful, talkative and super bright..
yeah..
this mask create this kind of me...
the me, with no worries, no pain...
and guess what? people like that kind of me!
they come to me when they are sad, to be cheered up..
yup.. only when theyre sad..
im just like an escape door for people in pain...
that wouldnt be useful when there isnt something bad happening..
sometimes im alone,
there are two options that could happen in a time like that:
one, my mask are getting thicker which means i'll lie to myself about everything
or two, my mask are getting thinner which means i'll cry and thingys like that..
but i usually pick the option one..
coz i think the rightest way to escape from pain is that ignore the pain and pretend like nothing happened..
and yeah,
thats what i do..
day by day, my mask are getting thicker and thicker..
day by day, this mask is like a drug for me..
and day by day, this mask is starting to ruin my life even more..
i can no more know what i feel..
im like a doll with a happy face..
have no heart, but always happy...
i can no longer realize happiness that is pouring on me..
happiness that my friends and family gave me to me...
yeah, im happy at that time... but, its just memories a while after that..
the mask is like preventing happiness to come and stay inside my heart...
all that i remember is the pain...
im sick of faking...
but this mask is like starting to fuse to my true self...
this mask is trying to be "my true self"
its ruining my personality..
somehow, i became a double personality..
but now,
i want to change...
i want to stop relying things to this mask..
i want to get rid of this mask together with the pain...
i want to realize how wonderful this world...
i want to be the true me, the most true of my self..
i know i might become an easy-to-cry girl..
but its ok,
coz tears are meant to be dropped..
coz tears would ruin your heart if you hide it..
and i believe, that when i get rid of my mask,
i can still become a sanguine girl..
i can still become this cheerful girl that could captivate peoples heart..
because, im enjoying to be this kind of me..
so why not?
i'll be a big girl..
a girl, that has a big tough heart...
that wont be easy to give up
that never give up on anything!
and i believe, right after i post this thing and blink my eyes..
my life would be better and i can get rid of this mask!
